Building Suspense: PnF Edition

Chao- While taking a few English classes over the past few semesters in college, Chao has had a couple of teachers who had offered some very good tips on actual writing, whether for short fiction or academic papers. Most of us get that for any proper English sentence it needs a subject and a verb. There are different ways to write out what we want each sentence in each story to say.

Example 1: Phineas grabbed hold of a hammer. He held a nail in hand and slammed the head of the hammer on top of the head of the nail. He heard his name being called. He stopped his motion to see who was addressing him. He smiled seeing his good friend, Isabella.

Chao- This example is something found for an everyday action. But every sentence is written with a Subject/Verb/Direct Object content in the beginning. There's nothing wrong with this form, but it's good to give readers a variety.

Example 2: Phineas grabbed hold of a hammer. Grasping a nail in his hand, he slammed the head of the hammer on top of the head of the nail. He heard his name being called. Stopping his motion to see who was addressing him, he smiled seeing his good friend, Isabella.

Chao- So that's one way to go about. How can this be applied to something for action?

Example 3: Perry raced to his machine. He jammed his key and started the engine. He had a good grip on the steering wheel. His hat flapped as the machine sped him through the air. He kept his focus on his mission. He needed to arrive at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated to stop the mad doctor's latest plan.

Example 4: Perry raced to his machine. Jamming his key inside the proper hole, he started the engine. He had a good grip on the steering wheel. With his hat flapping as the machine sped him through the air, he kept focus on his mission. He needed to arrive at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated to stop the mad doctor's latest plan.

Chao- In Example 4 some sentences began with a dependent clause (a clause that cannot stand by itself alone least it be a fragment), and they are added to an independent clause (a clause that can be a sentence on its own) with a comma. Why else does this matter? To build suspense! It’s good for writers to find ways to write in new styles. Readers may not know exactly how you made something so interesting, but it’s good to have different patterns even if it’s just for something as simple as switching around subjects and verb spots. This is what’s called suspense; it’s created very easily just by positioning the subjects and verbs. They can be simple like in these examples, or very long like done in some Edgar Allen Poe works. (He’s the one who wrote The Raven, yes?) It just depends on what you, the writer, like. (Unless it’s an academic paper, in which case you’re better off writing just what the teacher wants to hear.) Hope this helped!